=zareonianwolf

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Journal Entry: Thu Apr 23, 2009, 9:12 AM

Mood: Disgust
Listening to: Heaven Forbid - The Fray
Reading: Summer Term schedule
Watching: That 70's Show
Playing: Left 4 Dead
Eating: blah
Drinking: blah

*brushes off dust*

Hey all.

Just a bit of a life update for those of you who've been wondering where I've gone and what I've been up to.

I'm in the middle of Finals Frenzy right now, working to get my Associates Degree so I can do something with my life. Education is one of the main reasons I've taken my leave of absence; I plan on going on to my college's Dental Hygiene program to make some big bucks in the medical industry, so that I can go on to become a full-fledged dentist one day.

Unfortunately, the pressures of such a career choice have led me to all but stop drawing. I just don't have the time or the energy to sit down and draw or color anything. It's really suckish.

On top of that, I left for another reason: my health. I'm very sick. For my entire school career, I've been struggling with my weight. This struggle eventually evolved into a full-fledged eating disorder. I've started psychotherapy to help get over my internal issues with food and eating, and I think one of these days I'll have to actually consider surgical means to correct these problems.

I'm not a happy person. I never have been. Lord knows I try my best to smile and be cheerful, but I never seem to get there. I'm drowning in my own body. I'm killing myself. It's painful, it's miserable, it's constantly over my head every time I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror or step outside. I feel disgusting. I look disgusting. I hate myself.

So I've left to change my lifestyle. It's not a "diet", and it's not an "exercise plan". It is a complete and total rearrangement of the way I look at and live my life. It's very hard for me to come out of the proverbial closet and say all this, but I know that the first step to fixing the problem is to get it out in the open.

I figured I owed you guys an explanation for my lengthy absences. This is why. I'm very ill, and I need professional help. I'm getting it now.

The good news is that classes are over on May 5th, so I'll be able to give Polar Rain and Krypt my full creative attention for at least a month or so. But you guys have to realize that socializing and art now come after my first priorities: Health and school, in that order.

So yeah. Just letting you guys know. Uhm... oh, if you need me to see anything, or want to get in touch with me, your best bet is a note or PM, or a comment here.

That's about it. Commissions are still being worked on, slowly but surely.

'Til the next post, I suppose.

Art Status

*Kryxels - 2 chibis - PAID -
~chichirisgal - One peice, Peterick (FOB) -

~Xhanthia - One piece, ZackCloud -

=badpirate - 1 full CG, 1 sketch - :star-full:

~gothmylittlepony - 1 bust - PAID -
*Mottenfest - 1 bust - PAID -
~Jaz-is-rad - 1 bust, 1 chibi - PAID -
~ShugoMinnayama-kun - 2 chibis - PAID -

Art Trades
~cerberusgurl - Oswald -

~aynako - Hiruma -

*Mottenfest - MottenfestxReno -

=noh-kabuki - Aeris -

15 Comments

Devious Comments

love 2 2

~~joy 0 0~~

~~wow 0 0~~

~~mad 0 0~~

~~sad 0 0~~

~~fear 0 0~~

~~neutral 0 0~~

*Lily-L-Bell Apr 23, 2009, 9:34:20 AM

So that's why you been sick so often. I'm glad though that you want to change that around though, so that you can enjoy your life. You're very responsible for that, a lot of people would have to be forced into therapy by their loved ones. I know how it feels to be a big girl and I don't like looking in full body mirrors because of it. But I guess my anger in it was always directed more towards society than myself. I feel beautiful when I look at Renaissance, and Ancient Greek nudes. It makes me know that, at one time, body types like mine were so much the symbol of beauty that they were carved into marble. That always made me feel good, but society at large never did. Granted, no one's ever called me fat, but I get upset when I see weight loss commercials and the actress they hire, that's "trying to lose weight" is not that big at all. Some are of an average, healthy body build, and yet society wants women to see that and subconsciously think "wow, I need to be rail thin." I think a certain degree of meat on a woman is beautiful. I don't like when women are skeletons with skin stretched over'em. I always just consented to the fact that I would be rather big in build (You can shrink your bones and my frame seems to be the biggest part of me.)I hope you can come to find that you're beautiful and that society can fuck itself right in the ass. Big is beautiful.

--
"What a long strange trip it's been..." -The Greatful Dead

=AnimeWolf89 Apr 23, 2009, 9:42:49 AM

wow im sorry its so rough and its good your getting help. That's the first step.

other then being happy for you i have nothing else i can say to be helpful

only that i hope you do what makes you happy in the end

--
its safer to be alone, you can never be touched, never be hurt, never be broken by another when you're alone...

=Syan Apr 23, 2009, 9:50:49 AM

Well, those are certainly good reasons for taking an extended leave of absence. Though any reason would be understandable. Still; I'm happy that you are taking things into your own hands, both with school as well as your health. I'm not sure about your illness, whether it's because you are "over weight" or "under weight"; but you are correct that seeking professional help is a good first step and will help you with what you want to achieve. And believe me, I'm pretty much AGAINST professional help; but in this case, go for it hun! We want to see you happy; grinning and baring it only lasts so long.

I do miss you, as I am sure most of your watch list does, but take your time, and don't worry. We will all be here when you return from long absences. Just take care of yourself; and I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.

--
_{"The love spent here,
As I had feared means nothing dear."}

=magnublaze Apr 23, 2009, 9:58:42 AM

I'm sorry to hear that you've been dealing with an eating disorder, but I'm glad to know that you're working on changing that. I understand that your health and college come first. I wish you the best of luck with your health

~Blaze

--
OMNIart ComiX - [link]
Commission Details - [link]
My Prints - [link]

*AcidConfetti Apr 23, 2009, 10:35:40 AM

I hope things start to work out for you soon.

--
There's more than one way to skin a cat... I happen to know four or five ways.

~Jiori-Seth Apr 23, 2009, 10:44:44 AM

First of all: You don't owe us anything. We're just here to appreciate you for who you are, problems notwithstanding. We're here to smile when you upload something, laugh with you, smile with you, and be sad with you if we have to.
I feel silly saying this, since outside of commenting occasionally; we don't speak that much, but we're a community, right?

Second of all: I'm sorry to hear that things have been rough on you, and I know how you feel. Maybe not in the same way, but conversely, if you will. Also; your appearance doesn't define you. You're a smart, kind, fun-loving individual who is actively working to help yourself. Z, you're a hell of a lot more than you're giving yourself credit for.

Third of all (and much more cheerfully): A dentist? Haha, wow, I wonder what made you want to be a DENTIST of all things! It sounds like you have a good idea of what you want to do; that's great

I am in the same finals boat with you. >____< I'm out of finals May 11 Bleeech. I have SO much to do. ;_____; We should whine together sometime XP

To conclude:
I'm rooting for you and have you in my thoughts.
And congrats on taking the next step toward your goals. You're a lovely person, and now you'll know it.

End Transmission (And sappiness)

-J

--
If I can't hide it: It doesn't exist.

"I'm a grown-up now, and I can decide what that means."- xkcd

~flaredragon497 Apr 23, 2009, 12:00:10 PM

*virtual hug*

--
[url=[link]
Feed Me!
url=[link] Me!

*KorsithKoris Apr 23, 2009, 12:37:44 PM

I am here, I support you in your choices fully and unconditionally because you being happy is what matters.
You can do it.

--
Art is expression, so what is expression but something we all need? Hence this - Art is Art, different for each and every one of us. Enjoy it and learn a little more about the world.
CHEAP COMMISSIONS: [link]

~QueenJen Apr 23, 2009, 12:44:19 PM

I'm glad your giving attention to those things, since they are very very important. I'm happy you are getting the help you need and I know it's slow going but if you keep at it it will get better. It's good to hear from you and know what's going on!

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Journal History

Dec 19, 2009 Big Project in the Works! Featuring Polar Rain!
Oct 16, 2009 Dear people of dA...
Sep 3, 2009 Commission Updates! (Read if I owe you something!)
Aug 27, 2009 Shipwars and an artist you've gotta check out!
Jul 17, 2009 Character Q&A, yo!
Jun 22, 2009 I'm a cryptozoological GEEK. /nerd
Jun 19, 2009 Paint Tool SAI GET!
Jun 17, 2009 Paint Tool SAI halp!
Jun 14, 2009 So... Star Trek = Saint's Row 2? And X-Men comics!
Jun 11, 2009 FFFFF 20TH BIRTHDAY

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